Jumper

This 2007/2008 (STV) Straight To Video production staring the guy who played Annakin Skywalker in Star Wars part 326, was an interesting mix of plot and modern day special effects.

The movie is about a war between the "Paladins" and the "Jumpers" that has presumably been going on for thousands of years unbeknownst to us mere mortals. "Jumpers" are a species that discovers who they are at 5 years old, and they are people who can "jump" teleportally through small holes in the world called "rips", and they can spend the morning in Egypt, noon in London, and dinner in Rome. The Paladins are their sworn enemy, and are out to catch and destroy them. The movie had great dialogue, pretty good acting (including Samuel L. Jackson as the chief Paladin enforcer) but lacked such minor details of....oh.....I don't know....things like....EXPLANATIONS!

Why are they at war? Who is the bad guy....really? What is the purpose of jumping? What is the square root of 2,343,345,617?

For a $4 dollar rental, it was a good way to spend 2 hours with the family on a Saturday night...I wouldn't break any speed limits racing to the store to get it though.

Two peeled bananas.

Recount

HBO did a dramatization of the 2000 presidential election, focusing on the problems of Volusia and Palm Beach counties in Florida. The movie was well done and entertaining, although it was obviously skewed in the direction of then VP, Al Gorge. Wait...he wasn't Gorge back then...he was just Gore without the stomach.

There were some funny moments provided by comedian/actor Dennis Leary. In one scene he was talking to a democratic strategist (played by Kevin Spacey) and Leary said: "You have to fucking wake these fuckers up, because if they don't stop fucking around, there won't be any fucking tomorrow for any-fucking-body." Spacey looked at him and said, "Do you know you say 'fuck' a lot?"

In any event, it was a good, interesting watch, even if they did go a little too quickly through the undeniable fact that NO ONE knows who REALLY won. Did President Bush? Maybe. Did VP Gore? Again, maybe. It is still in doubt, but it is also 8 years since the election, and 7 beyond 9-11, so it really doesn't matter at this point.

Laura Dern turns in an award winning performance as billionaire sociopathic snob Katherine Harris, right down to the awesome boobage that the real-life Mrs. Harris has packed up top. The question is, are they live or are they memorex?

I give this one 3 bananas.

Enchanted

Enchanted from Walt Disney films is a fun, energetic, humorous fantasy whose only downside is the wicked witch-queen of Andalusia is played by real life wicked witch queen of New York City, Susan Sarandon.

Music, an ingenious story line, and humor...yes, very funny lines delivered over and over and over...make this a family treat that is not to be missed.

The story begins in the animated world of Andalusia, with a naive girl singing to her animal friends about finding the man of her dreams to marry. Look, I won' spoil it for you. It turns into a movie with real actors playing the formerly caricature roles, and the result is about 1 hour and 45 minutes of sheer delight.


Don't miss it; don't prejudge it. You're gonna love it. 4 banana's.

Expelled. No Intelligence Allowed

Like all movies of it's genre, Expelled received plenty of outrage and criticism from people who never even saw the movie, but they were compelled to comment upon it or use their selective ESP to monitor and point out pertinent facts about the film. Some woman from the New York Times wrote a movie critique that made me wonder - and then later find out - she never even saw the movie! I never saw Bowling for Columbine myself, so you won't find any blogs about it here.

Amazing, huh? I only write about things I've actually seen for myself.

I heard about the film, was told I might like it, and decided to go one afternoon. Before entering the theater, I had no idea what the film was about. I heard it was about irascible scientists, but that was all. The start of the film....done in documentary fashion...is Ben Stein, a Jewish American Conservative who has the ability to transcend cultural boundaries like few can. There are those of you who will recall back in the late 90's, Comedy Central was the home of the game show "Win Ben Stein's Money". It was a question and answer game that pitted one contestant against another, with the winner taking on Mr. Stein for the ultimate prize. Mr. Stein is the narrator and chief interviewer of the principals in this film, and I supposed that makes him the star...although it's hard to discount the movie's content as the real star.

Most people will not recognize the style of documentary that this film employs. Unlike some documentaries, where factual information is only revealed if it fits the point which the producer is trying to make, "Expelled" leaves it up to you the viewer to decide what you think. Now to be fair, I'm sure some of the interviewee's were shown in a less-than-flattering way, but they were all full university professors, and therefore responsible in some fashion for their own presentation and representation. They also knew what the movie was about. No Borat shenanigans going on here.

As the movie went on, one COULD NOT escape the feeling that I was seeing the same things as I see with Former Senator/Vice President/Presidential Nominee/Under 275 lb's/Al Gore's: "An Inconvenient Truth"

Oh. I just realized I haven't told you what the documentary was about.

It's about what I would dare to say is the "DEBATE" about Darwinism and Intelligent Design, but I put "debate" in quotes and capitalized it because the same thing is happening in our universities about this topic as is happening with respect to global warming. Remember? Al Gore - backed by his scientific constituents - declared "There is no more debate", and for over 3 years now he has taken great steps to ensure there HAS been no debate - even if millions and millions and millions feel perhaps there SHOULD be. If you are a scientist anywhere in the world and you question the validity of the global warming theory - Damn! I said "theory" didn't I? - if you're a scientist and you question the FACT of global warming, you won't be able to raise a dime to research the mating habits of dust bunny's.

Same thing with ID vs Darwinism. "Expelled" roots out an on-going scandal in our world educational society. If you declare a belief in God and ID - even if it is in CONJUNCTION with Darwinism - you will be fired, blacklisted, and re-hired nowhere.

Nowhere. All because they dare to be a college professor who says, "Hey, you know what? I believe in God, and I believe he did a good job on this place."

Now....going into the theater, I believed in the compromise theory myself. Have for probably 2 decades or more. I believe man evolved from a single cell...but something had to start that cell to begin with. We know it's hydrogen, nitrogen, carbon, and oxygen...but we don't know who or what invented or lead to these products being formed.

I also believe all people see the same God, the only difference being the way they see him. If I'm born 5,000 years ago in Eastern Tibet, you can bet your ass I don't see God as a white dude. 5,000 years ago in Tibet....NO ONE had ever seen a white dude, and on and on....get it?

So go watch the movie, and form your own opinion....or like me...NOT form your opinion. Just soak it all in and learn from it.

Out of 5 possible, I give this one 4 banana's.

Fabulous...just fabulous

Talking about movies is gay.

I have a teenage son, and like all teenagers in this generation, he has been known to use the term "gay", as in, "that's so gay." In this connotation, gay means, bizarre, out of style, queer in a non-gay way (like strange). I'm 50, and I get it.

But talking about movies is gay...not in a strange high school 2008 way, though. In a gay way. A queer in a not non-gay way. In a two-men-wanna-get-married-kind-of-gay-way. That's because all actors in Hollywood are gay, and if I'm talking about them I must be gay or at the very least doing a gay activity, right?

Did he just say everyone in Hollywood is gay?

Relax out there, ok? I was kidding. I was kidding. What I meant was....what I meant...was...Look, can I get a word in edgewise here?

Please? Ok. When I said everyone in Hollywood was gay...

What...
I...
meant...
was...

Everyone in Hollywood is gay.


With that said...on to the Movie O' Da Week Errrr Whatever.

Speed Racer

Speed Racer, an updated big-screen version of the TV show not many people watched in the 1960's, opened last week. Having nothing to do, I went. By the time I exited the theater into the bright Florida night, I felt as if I had been watching this piece of crapola since the 1960's, non-stop. 2 and a half merciful hours later, the referee finally blew the whistle, and they let us leave.

This movie was conceived and delivered to us by the nerds that made the Matrix trilogy...an interesting, well-done series of films that made geekdom cool for a few years. But this thing??? Oh my God. The colors were so loud Timothy Leary would have thought he was flashing back to his Harvard days, and he certainly would have been dialing 9-1-1.

"Hello? Yes...hospital emergency room? I think the blotter from that 1966 night outside Fenway Park is kicking in again. Yes ma'am...it's Doctor Leary one more time."

And this is supposed to be a kid-friendly movie too. Strong sexual innuendo, adult humor that no kids will understand, and a fractured and inane plot line will have you wishing you were sitting next to Michael Richards at a Jeremiah Wright sermon rather than enduring another 5 minutes of this dog.

Out of 5 possible bananas, this thing gets the peel...that's it.

Our next film shake-down will be "Expelled. No intelligence required." Until then, only take union-approved and sponsored banana's from your monkey.